Why does being controlled make you so unhappy?
She was 14 years of age when she met him and he was 34. She wasn’t coping very well emotionally at the time because her parents were in a process of divorce. She was in a vulnerable and low self-esteem relationship. He was her first love.
There were situations when he was being called out on behaviour such as lying and cheating. That was something he just couldn’t tolerate, which always seemed ironic, considering he expected his victim to tolerate everything.
In other words, in situations when a normal person would stand and face the music for his misbehaviour and wrong doings, the sociopathic spouse turns into the perpetual child, responding with the equivalent of: You can’t be mad at me, because I’m mad at you.
He has showed no remorse meaning that he will do it again whenever there is an opportunity.
I advised her that many controlling or manipulative relationships last far longer than they should because the person who is being controlled or manipulative is in denial about anything being wrong. You may think your partner is just a bit moody or needy when in fact, that person has slowly taken over every aspect of your life.
I have been supporting her and advised her to stay as busy as she can by pursuing her interests and immersing herself in her work or studies which will give more meaning to her life.
She is now doing something about improving her life. The biggest step is over, and she freed herself from control and manipulated relationship. She has been busy trying to figure out how to start her life on a different path and begin the process of emotional healing, but it’s important to take a moment to appreciate her own strength. She did it. She is free.
I comforted her that the abuse that she endured was not her fault, and there is never any justification for abuse, emotional or physical. All people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. It’s important to let go of feelings of guilt she may be experiencing as a result of ending her relationship, and let her healing continue.
Now she is 28 beautiful inside and out. She has started moving forward with her life by setting manageable goals for herself to improve in some area, and meeting those goals regularly. Whether career, health, or happiness goals, most importantly she is living her own life.
She is replacing her toxic memories of the past with joyful new memories and new experiences. Make her old abusive relationship seem distant by spending lots of time with new people, visiting new places, and never looking back except to heal.